Apocalypse

August 20, 2017

If North Korea starts a nuclear war, I hope that I’m at my strip club.  I will say to my stripper, “We’re going to all die in thirty minutes.  I want you.” She starts taking off my clothes and says, “Let’s do it, Steve.” We make love as the world falls apart.

Rude?

August 14, 2017

Some of my attendants say that no one cares about me because I’m a rude person.  If they only knew how much that I was loved and cared for by people.  People and bartenders give me drinks.  People who I don’t know care about me.  It hurts, but I know who I am.

Dear Jenny,

August 7, 2017

Did you call Dr Boyle for a physical this week?  It needs to be done three weeks prior.  I can’t do everything.  I go under August twenty fifth.  Please call Home Health United for the electric wheelchair.  I e-mailed the vendor but he didn’t reply yet.  The new one works.  We will take it to Walmart tomorrow at three to five.  Please schedule a ride.  I work these crazy long hours because I have to.  Steve is doing it all.  I’m going to say once:  You don’t move good attendants without replacements in place.  And when you don’t like a good attendant who works, you compromise for the good of others.  That’s all.  Thank you.  Steve

 

Dear Tim,
Thank you for allowing me to stay up.  I’m writing another novel about living here, falling in love, living with and marrying her.  I’m taking care of my business, dating, and trying to find the right one.  I need my ice cream for calcium.  I don’t drink milk, Tim.  I get phlegm sometimes and I will vomit.  CP is complicated.  The staff needs to read my books.  It would explain a lot.  I’m tired arguing.  I get diarrhea sometimes especially now with the fresh fruit.  Steve

Needs

August 7, 2017

Preseason football began last week.  Football, writing, and women are all that I need.  And of course beer. 
Dave,
Poor guy.  I have four women now.  And you bit the bullet, but Sarah is awesome.  We will keep that a secret.  I’m you now.  Life is so different.  It’s not easy, but I’m independent.  Well, I’m coming to the party paying one hundred and eighty for a cab.  Don’t tell Sarah.  She means a lot to me.  She knew that I can make it.  You take good care of her.  She is special.  Maybe someday I will find her. 

Argh

August 7, 2017

I have to fight everything now because a case manager moved one of the best attendants for not liking her.  Now my understaffed staff thinks that I have to go to bed before eleven since my attendants can’t use the Hoyer.  I’m just an awful person according to some of my staff.  What he is doing all night writing?  They will never understand what I do.  Authors work every single day.  They write and sell books.  My attendants can’t do that.  I have to make sure things are taken care of like doctor’s appointments.  They don’t do book signings.  One day I will get out of this hell hole.

Vacations

August 6, 2017

People go on vacation now, including my staff.  I want to go on vacation, but finding a care attendant to go with me is a nearly impossible task.  I work every day about fifty hours a week.  That’s working.  Don’t I deserve a vacation and travel to experience life in order to keep writing.