“Steve, now you get to go places!  Steve, if you go anywhere where it would be?” New York and Eagle River of coarse.  “You can do anything now.  Let’s go out!  You need to go out more.  Also, you need an augmentative communication device.”  I just spent one hundred dollars for armrests and an urinal today.  Mom didn’t have insurance on the van!  So I won’t be going anywhere.  Mom used up my money in the lock box that I saved for two years for PR!  It makes me angry.  The world is at my fingertips but it is beyond my reach.  “Morse code is too slow, Steve.  Get an augmentative communication device” … which probability costs ten grand.  “You can go bowling with disabled people.”  Me bowling, right?  I can’t afford that!  I just want to be published, write, be with a woman and go up north this fall.  I don’t want much in life.  But how can I start living without money?  Damit it mom!  What were you thinking? I’ll make it!

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Friends

July 27, 2015

College classmates are always there for each other.  Emailing my mother’s college classmates notifying them about my mother’s passing is hard, but reading her classmate’s good memories of my mother reminds me of my classmates.  My classmates are helping me get through this difficult time in my life.  They have visited me like they said that would when I needed their support.  We always knew that something like this would happen.  My dear old friends have reminded me that they will be there every step of the way.  I will visit my friends now.  It’s a new life!

Passion is a skill that not many have.  Passion is what drives you forward in reaching your dreams.  Without passion there is no life.

Confusing Times

July 20, 2015

While the Governor campaigns in Iowa as a reformer of education and a progressive of long-term home health care,  I’m starting a new life.  A staff is being assembled.  I have met four new attendants in the past days.  There are more attendants coming.  It’s a major life adjustment having new people watch and take me to the bathroom.  But I’ll adjust.  Just be patient with me please.  I’m not really mad at my family.  Sometimes I overdo it with my writing.  So I will apologize to my family.  This is not easy for them either especially for my sister.  She is grieving too!  She has a career, two girls, a deadline to meet for a project and undo a big mess.  My sister and I have to get along now.  That won’t be easy because we have never gotten along.  I will try.  We’re both stubborn.  I  love her.  She is the most beautiful woman that I know.  I’m sorry.

I love you, Mom!

July 20, 2015

Living with Mom has become difficult.  She forgets who will be here to get me up and when I go anywhere she wants to where.  Mom wants to know when the bus is coming and when I’m coming home.  She calls the bus if I’m late.  I’m managing my attendants, being a writer, and an author with a career.  That’s why I have to work all day.  It’s frustrating!  When I tell people that I’m an author or have an agent, Mom says that isn’t important.  She says that she has to know what is going on.  I could be working on care, talking to my agent, emailing, doing publicly, editing, writing, and critiquing.  That’s my life now!  Mom wants me to be independent, but I try to be independent she doesn’t like it.  I’m making decisions, but Mom needs to let go.  What will happen to Mom when I move out?  She is going to be lost without me.  I will miss her. 
My Mom passed away on Saturday night.  I’m an adult now at the age of forty seven.  I’m scared like shit!  My family thinks that I can’t be alone, but where were they for five years!  Now they have taken over the “messy” house whispering behind my back saying what an awful mother mom was.  They are filling my house with their stuff.  In a few days it will be a new house.  I’m supposed be watching movies, but I don’t watch movies.  I write!  Now they want me to be like them living in their world.  Writing about this new chapter in my life is one of the ways that I will get through this odyssey.  Eagle River was here today.  My best friends talk to me like a man, giving me strength.  I love you, Mom! 

Happy Birthday, Amber

July 6, 2015

It’s my best friend’s birthday this week.  She means the world to me.  A man needs a woman to confide in.  This is especially true for a disabled man.  I probably won’t ever have a girlfriend.  But Amber is always there.  She almost died this spring, which would have broken my heart.  She thinks that no one will need her, but I will always need my sister!  I love you, Amber!  Happy Birthday.