Two Years, Mom …

July 14, 2017

Mom has been gone for two years now.  Sometimes I wonder why I’m still here.  According to my staff I’m rude, selfish, disrespectful and a brat.  Suicide enters into my mind, but I keep moving forward making decisions.  I had a plan to kill myself this week.  Sometimes I just want to die.  I’m tired, Mom.  I wear so many hats these days.  It reminds me of the rainbow a couple of days after you passed.  I was in a parking lot, waiting for my cousin to come out of a store.  It was downpouring for several minutes.  I was talking to you.  Rain rattled against the van’s windows.  I had just hired my care agency, becoming a man.  I was bewildered and lost.  The skies cleared and a beautiful rainbow appeared.  The rainbow lit the sky against the blue horizon.  Of course, i looked for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  I thought that I would be a New York author in a matter of days, changing my life forever.  Life did change and it took two years to get published.  Publicity is slow hard work, but people are buying the books.  The end of the rainbow is near now.  Another book is being written.  There will always be tough times.  I have realized that I’m loved by many people.  That’s a part of life, but there are rewards, too.  Some of you don’t want to know about.  Sorry Mom, but I have needs like every man does.  I will move onwards. 

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